(Still) Burning Homes!

Burning-House

Article 1

Burning Homes!

 June 6, 2010

 http://burninghomes.blogspot.com/2010/06/burning-homes.html


This article was written in My Column – Between Us Only! of June 18th 2003 – 7 years ago! Also is in My Books – Between Us Only Series (Original, Short Takes and The Sequel)….

Please visit http://www.majidbooks.com for more information and details.

The reason I put up this blog is to ask this question – have things changed? For the good or worse off?

We need to deep self analyse and soul search ourselves more ….

But what is this new ugly and unpleasant development now in our homes? 

This ‘domestic violence’ thing? Do we need an excuse? The dishes and the foreign films and dramas that are beamed to our homes? Or is that the new in-thing fashion now, the provocations and ‘do not care stuff’ – followed by lifting of the hand and beating up of that poor creature that bore you babies you call your own and have made you proud too? Do you consider the effects on the children?

***

She got away (2)

Image – Once So Pretty and Happy!

In my last articles I wrote about increasing selfishness, materialism and divorce problems especially in the local communities. It is interesting to note that in one of the Gulf countries they have now introduced Social Centre to deal with maternal problems coupled with increasing phenomena in domestic violence. I personally think it is a good idea too for us to introduce here in Oman, if not there one yet.

Or our young entrepreneurs can start thinking to open ‘shrink shops (psychologists)’ where peoples with maternal problems could go to for a change. It could prove to be a very profitable business, if you see how much these ‘shrinks’ charges in countries like USA and UK!!

 

Close up of young couple fighting indoors

Now Unhappy Couple

Interestingly and increasingly too from my circle of friends and acquaintances – many of them who complain about their wives who are working professionals and educated and qualified too. Some of these wives are felt not to care for the maternal homes, but only to order around the ‘real wife position occupier – that is the housemaid – who is now found in most homes, ironically even those homes that do not really need one (with the wife at home syndrome) or cannot even afford one for that matter due to the incomes of both working couples. However, it is a fashionable thing, the in-thing – and everyone must have one nowadays in the home.

To be fair to the wives too, they complain that the men are now increasingly interested ‘to be out with the boys’ syndromes. Many a men have been caught with their wives or girl friends with ‘photos of other relationships’, or their numbers in their Mobiles / GSMs!! I know a friend of mine too, you would never have expected him to have joined the bandwagon with the unending lectures and speeches on material responsibilities and ethics he gives, but as usual the lecturer is different from the lectures he gives, the preacher to what he preaches!

But what is this new ugly and unpleasant development now in our homes? This ‘domestic violence’ thing? Do we need an excuse? The dishes and the foreign films and dramas that are beamed to our homes? Or is that the new in-thing fashion now, the provocations and ‘do not care stuff’ – followed by lifting of the hand and beating up that poor creature that bore you babies you call your own and have made you proud too? Do you consider the effects on the children? Hey – what is wrong with us nowadays? Is it the increased selfishness, materialism and blind emulating and copying of values that are not our own? Against the very fabric of our society in all aspects and values, against our cultures, heritage, customs and traditions per se?? Think about it for a moment.

I know a very close related couple who would act in front of others to be all caring and loving, with all love call names and a lot of praises and touches. But go away the guests, hell is let lose – back to normal with bad name calling, accusations and double accusations, acrimony, distrust and bitterness. The man cheats on his wife, and the woman cheats on her husband – and some friends (so-called) have even been involved!! How sad and lower can it ever get than this, this hypocrisies and double dealings? Is it the in-fashion, or more lost souls here? A lot of soul searching and self analysis here I think is required, and incumbent upon all of us.

You talk to many young peoples, both male and females. They openly admit that it is not a question of love that would make them enter into long lasting relationships, but what the other side has. Do you have a SUV? Do you have a big house? A big position? Where do you live? And all the wrong questions. Not what type of person one is? His parents and family background, his behaviour and character etc, even if he or she was not rich for that matter. Very young pretty and beautiful girls of good characters and backgrounds from good and decent families are not marketable! Why? Because they have no job, or are jobless or do low rung jobs! Their marketable competitors are those with good jobs, and even have their own built villas too!

Quarrel between men and women

Unhappy Couple about to split!

The same goes for the men!! Be handsome and however attractive you are – no money no honey! And if you have all the right stuff? The competition comes in not only from the single and unwed damsels, but even sadly and tragically from the married damsels too on the side! That is why these ‘gallant heroes’ do not even think of getting committed and get married, but enjoy the chases and the limelight!

Something gotta give – and that is when and where the domestic violence syndrome sets in. And when both couples cheat outside their marriage, who suffers the most? The poor kids. With anger, fury, bitterness and hatred in their hearts they too later on join the ‘vicious circle’ – and all hell is let loose.
The religious peoples need to do something more in this field, rather than lecturing about eternal damnation and hell fires. And our elders and parents too need to get more involved. Including relatives and friends, who prefer the easy way out of not getting involved or be interested, or feign and pretend they do not know, or have not been told!

Suspicious 3

Fighting Time!

This respect for the marriage institution need to be rekindled and nurtured back into being once again – coupled with our true values, traditions, customs and heritages! Not forgetting honesty, loyalty, sincerity, genuineness and care and feelings for each other in the marriage institution! And watching the wrong messages and bad consequences that we are passing on to our kids and the future generations. Definitely marital bliss needs to be looked into – and domestic violence have to be put a stop too immediately first. People need to be open and talk to each other. If they cannot do it themselves, others caring MUST step in – before it is too late for everyone!!

Allah God be with us all – Amin – Amen!

***

 Article Two – Still Burning Homes!

 Between Us Only!

 Unhappy

So sad and unhappy!

 Between Us Only! Still Burning Homes!

 https://majidall.com/tag/between-us-only-still-burning-homes/

 Suspicious 2

Not talking to you!

This is in answer to the many fans’ queries that I do not write much amongst on other topics on the increasing marriages break-ups nowadays – some even long married couples.

Frankly, this subject has been covered by me many times before – and as early as at 6th August 2003 – titled ‘Burning Homes’! Please see my book Between Us Only! –www.majidbooks.com.

This is what I had said – Quote – But what is this new ugly and unpleasant development now in our homes? This ‘domestic violence’ thing? Do we need an excuse? The dishes and the foreign films and dramas that are beamed to our homes? Or is that the new in-thing fashion now, the provocations and ‘do not care stuff’ – followed by lifting of the hand and beating up that poor creature that bore you babies you call your own and have made you proud too? Do you consider the effects on the children? Hey – what is wrong with us nowadays?

A - Tears 3

All in Tears!

A - The Sad News

Everyone crying!

Is it the increased selfishness, materialism and blind emulating and copying of values that are not our own? Against the very fabric of our society in all aspects and values, against The religious peoples need to do something more in this field. And our elders and parents too need to get more involved. Including relatives and friends, who prefer the easy way out of not getting involved or be interested, or feign and pretend they do not know, or have not been told! This respect for the marriage institution need to be rekindled and nurtured back into being once again – coupled with our true values, traditions, customs and heritages!

Outdoor portrait of a sad teenage girl looking thoughtful about troubles

So distressed and unhappy!

B - Sad 7

Not forgetting honesty, loyalty, sincerity, genuineness and care and feelings for each other in the marriage institution! And watching the wrong messages and bad consequences that we are passing on to our kids and the future generations. Definitely marital bliss needs to be looked into – and domestic violence has to be put a stop to immediately first. People need to be open and talk to each other. If they cannot do it themselves, others caring MUST step in – before it is too late for everyone!! Allah be with us all – Amin! – Unquote.

Depressed middle aged woman sitting isolated , lost in thought

More Stress!

This is what I had also said in my article dated 18th August 2010 titled – ‘Why Even Long Married Couples Marriages Fail Also!’ – I wrote – Quote – Have you wondered on this new phenomenon nowadays? Increasing number of married couples – some married as long as thirty years and plus – are going in for separation and divorces – and it can all be summed up under one line – Lack of Care and Communication Syndromes! Apart from the marriages of couples under Thirties that fail at an average of 33% in their first two years of marriage – a pattern that can be found in many countries of the world – and increasing – and including the rising economies like in India, China and Brazil and even the Arab countries of The Middle East – and particularly now in The GCC. Countries.

A - Tears 1

Tears!

Tears 6 Tears 5

More Tears!

iStock_000016965781XSmall

Secrets Out!

In actual fact, the latter has an increasingly alarming rate of divorces among the younger generation – stretching from even 1 day to 3 months duration in the first two years of marriage as being the norm rather than the exception! At an age that couples should be together to enjoy their long life together – and their grandchildren – many of the older couples are seeking separation and divorces like going in for hot crispy cakes!

Bottom line – it is not a question of being who is right or wrong – or winning in an argument! But in many cases of more than one – and more importantly nowadays – it is a simple case of what can lead to bigger more explosive and damaging things in life – some really unnecessary, uncalled for unwarranted and unwanted. Especially for a couple married so long!

 

 

 

Closeup portrait of a handsome young man whispering in his wife ear

No More Happiness!

iStock_000006201615XSmall

Talking of separations and of divorces too! Especially in this now difficult and hart times in our lives now – when even the retired and pension salaries are no longer guaranteed or even safe! Money is the root of all evils – as they say! Or hungry stomachs! –Unquote.

For us Muslims especially – the coming Holy Month of Ramadhan is the month of compassion, kindness, caring, touch and feelings! Charity begins at home – let us all try extra hard – at least for the sake of our children (and grandchildren) – and for being good Believers too! As it is said – ‘following the steps of the husband’ and ‘following the steps of our parents – especially the Mothers’ is a sure way for opening the doors of the highest heavens for us – and avoidance of the punishment of the grave!

Take Care! Happy Ramadhan Greetings!

By Majid Al Suleimany